Nonverbal communication is all our behaviors beside speech that communicate our thoughts and feelings. Read on to learn about the different types and examples of nonverbal communication.
Since getting trained as a therapist, I have become very interested in the congruency between what people say and how they say it. Perhaps, like me, there have been times that you were asked, “How are you?”, and you responded, “I’m fine,” but anybody watching you closely would know that you were not in fact fine. Sometimes, our emotions come out even when we do not want our words to demonstrate them.
In moments like this, what we are communicating verbally versus nonverbally can look quite different. Noticing whether or not these verbal and nonverbal signals align is an important part of understanding social interactions. As it turns out, the nonverbal aspects of our communication matter just as much as what we are actually saying. So let’s look at nonverbal communication and learn a bit more about how understanding nonverbal communication can help you navigate social situations.
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The simple answer for why nonverbal communication is important is that it is as meaningful for our understanding of social situations as what is verbally communicated. In fact, it is sometimes said that we derive more meaning from nonverbal communications than we do verbal communications (Philipott, 1983). Just as importantly, when there is an incongruency between what is communicated verbally and what is communicated nonverbally, people are more likely to believe the messages delivered nonverbally (Burgoon & Bacue, 2003).
This is especially important to know because while we usually think deliberately and consciously about what we say, we may not give the same degree of attention to our nonverbal communications. This is something I am very aware of as a therapist. For example, if a client tells me about something they did that was clearly self-destructive, I may say out loud, “That sounds like a painful and challenging situation,” but at the same time, I may unconsciously frown at hearing their story. That frown on my face may betray my thought of, “Oh man, you really didn’t help yourself out there,” and I need to be ready to explain to my client that I both empathize with their distress and want to help them not engage in self-destructive behaviors.
In addition to it being important to be aware of the ways that we communicate nonverbally, being skilled in effective nonverbal communication is associated with many positive wellbeing outcomes, such as having more satisfying and higher-quality relationships and better physical and mental health (Riggio, 1992). People who are effective at both expressing themselves nonverbally and interpreting other people’s nonverbal behaviors tend to have higher self-esteem, be more effective communicators, be more flexible, and have greater social awareness (Burgoon & Bacue, 2003).
Let’s look at some broad categories or types of nonverbal communication (LaFrance & Mayo, 1978):
Nonverbal communication: Tone of voice
Nonverbal communication can include how we say things: our tone of voice, speed of speaking, the pauses we take or don’t take, and how loud our voices are. Consider the sentence “Sure, I’ll do that.” If you say it with the tone of your voice going up at the end of the sentence, it communicates a positive feeling about what you’re being asked to do. If your tone goes down at the end of the sentence, it kind of communicates the exact opposite! If you draw out the first word – “suuuuurrre” – people might perceive that you are uncertain about committing, and if you use a sarcastic tone of voice, people will know that while you might do what they asked, you won’t be happy about it.
Nonverbal communication: Body position
Nonverbal communication also includes how oriented we are in space to the other person. Imagine trying to console somebody from the opposite corner of the room, or telling somebody across the table that you love them without looking up from your phone. How close we stand to each other, whether we fully face each other, how much eye contact we make – all of these actions send nonverbal messages.
For example, I know that when I feel ambivalent about being in a particular conversation, my inclination is to orient myself slightly away from the people I’m talking to. I have to tell myself to physically commit to being in the conversation: turn fully towards the person, face them, look them in the eye. To give another example, I bet that each time you have become romantically or sexually involved with someone, you were probably highly attuned to the amount of physical proximity you were experiencing as your connection progressed – perhaps even reading a great deal into each movement that brought you closer together or further apart.
Another type of nonverbal communication is physical touch. Here, I am reminded of the nine months I spent in Egypt, and the many affectionate greetings I witnessed between men. It was common for two friends to greet each other with a flurry of standard sayings – “How are you? What’s happening? Everything good?” – while giving each other a sustained hug and maintaining eye contact from a close distance. I was impressed with the familiar nonverbal intimacy that Egyptian men showed each other.
As noted above, nonverbal communications are often thought to be ways of enhancing or reinforcing the verbal message in the conversation, and physical touch is a very effective – although also complicated – way to do so. Perhaps you have noticed that your most empathetic, enthusiastic, or affectionate friends will accentuate their comments of care or concern by touching your arm, rubbing your back, or even grabbing your hand.
Perhaps no nonverbal communication is more important to our interpretation of what others mean than facial cues; in fact, people routinely derive more meaning about “what that person really meant” from their facial expressions than from their body language or even the tone of their voice (Rosenthal, 1979).
A primary example of nonverbal communication is communicating emotions not through what is spoken but through the facial cues, and to a lesser extent the bodily cues, that come out in the situation (Planalp, 1998). In fact, sometimes nonverbal communication tells us everything we need to know, rendering verbal communication extraneous.
For example, when your friend tells the same bad joke for the fifth time, instead of telling them that you are annoyed, you might just roll your eyes, shake your head and smile, or give an exaggerated sigh. Since nonverbal communication can feel less direct and confrontational than verbal communication, people often rely on providing nonverbal cues instead (Planalp, 1998).
As an example that continues this trend, nonverbal cues of happiness, such as smiling, laughter, and a bright and resonant voice, are more common than verbal expressions of happiness (Ekman & Friesen, 1969; Shaver et al., 1987). Conversely, rather than say it loud that we are angry, we may frown, smile less, turn away from other people, speak in a monotone, and decrease eye contact (Ekman & Friesen, 1969; Shaver et al., 1987).
It has been proposed that nonverbal communication has five related functions: to repeat, contradict, complement, accentuate, and regulate either the situation itself or what is being said (Ekman & Friesen, 1969). To the extent that we can deploy nonverbal skills and interpret the nonverbal displays of others, these nonverbal communications will be effective in achieving those goals (Feldman et al., 1991).
We usually think of these behaviors as taking place between two people, and indeed another way to think about nonverbal communication is that it has goals related to relationships. The function of nonverbal communication is to do something for the relationship (Burgoon & Bacue, 2003). For example, therapists engage in many nonverbal cues that demonstrate that they feel positively toward and are invested in their client while public speakers use nonverbal communication to demonstrate their competence and passion for the topic. This can be called impression management and is another essential function of nonverbal communication (Burgoon & Bacue, 2003).
For more interesting examples of how nonverbal communication applies to real life, I recommend watching this TED talk:
Cultural similarities and differences in nonverbal communication can be thought of as occurring on several levels (LaFrance & Mayo, 1978). Some nonverbal communications are thought to be universal, or consistent across people of all cultures, such as facial expressions for core emotions (Ekman & Friesen, 1969). Meanwhile, other emotions are expressed across all cultures, but in different ways. And then there are behaviors that are specific to certain cultures, nonverbal communications that might be completely unintelligible to other people. For example, the thumbs-up signal might carry no meaning in other cultures, but most people in the United States know its meaning (‘good’ or ‘all good to go’).
Another difference in nonverbal communication that might be considered cultural is based in gender. Men and women have different nonverbal communication patterns (Hall et al., 2019) with women generally using more nonverbal communication behaviors, especially in public and especially for the purposes of increasing intimacy in the conversation. Perhaps unsurprisingly, then, women’s nonverbal communications are read more accurately by other people than are men’s nonverbal communications. Women are also, on average, better than men at noticing and interpreting nonverbal communication from other people.
Nonverbal communication is such an essential part of how we communicate that some scientists think the distinction between verbal and nonverbal communication is unhelpful or misleading (Streeck & Knapp, 1992). When we communicate, it is difficult, perhaps impossible, to separate what is being said from all the other behaviors that happen when while we are speaking. Even when you are speaking on the phone, the pauses you make and your tone of voice influence the meaning of what you have actually said.
So I encourage you to pay mindful attention to your own and others’ nonverbal communications. As I hope is clear by now, nonverbal communication offers powerful insight into the emotional reality of whoever is communicating. You might find that this mindful attention helps you better understand the emotions people are experiencing, including your own.
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